​Phone: 631.332.2213
Email: Suezola@me.com

Formal Disclosure for Betrayed Partners

If you have been faced with your partner's sexual betrayal, dishonesty, lack of transparency, minimizing, denial, blaming, shaming, gas-lighting, deflecting, and other common defenses sex addicts may attempt to use to avoid taking personal accountability and consequences, you may need a full formal disclosure prepared with the help of a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and an APSATS trained therapist and Polygraph Test to regain your equal standing in your relationship. When traumatizing pieces of information come out a little bit at a time, when you and your partner are alone, this staggered disclosure may damage you and your relationship further. Think carefully instead of impulsively to get the best results.


The following documents were created to help you in the full disclosure process:

IF YOU ARE A CURRENT CLIENT OF MINE, PLEASE ASK ME FOR THE DOCUMENT PASSWORD!

If you are in need of the Formal Disclosure Materials Packet, please note that these copyrighted materials are available for purchase directly from the creator, Mari A. Lee, LMFT. To acquire the packet, kindly visit Mari A. Lee's official website at: https://www.thecounselorscoach.com/formal-disclosure-documents-csat-therapists. 

Glossary Of Terms

Partner Release of Information

Partner Consent for Full Disclosure

Partner FD Guidelines for Full Disclosure

Partner FD After Care Plan

Partner FD Emotional Impact Letter Guidelines

Partners Boundaries and Safety List

List of Accountability Apps

Partner FD Letter of Restitution Support Guidelines

Couples Weekly Check-In

Abstinence Contract

Therapeutic Separation Guidelines and Form - If Needed


RESOURCE FROM THE HELPING COUPLES HEAL PODCAST - EPISODE 32: THERAPEUTIC SEPARATION
"In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie and Duane address therapeutic separation in the context of betrayal and relational trauma, a topic often talked about but not often understood. They discuss everything from what it is and what it is not to why a therapeutic separation can feel threatening or scary and why (if used correctly and with professional support and guidance) it can be a practical intervention for couples trying to heal their relationships after betrayal."

Click HERE to Listen on Apple Podcasts
Click HERE to go to the Episode Website
Click HERE for More Episodes of Helping Couples Heal Podcast



RESOURCE FROM THE HUMAN INTIMACY PODCAST - EPISODE 2: DISCLOSURES AND COUPLES HEALING POST-DISCOVERY - SPECIAL GUEST DR. STEFANIE CARNES
"In episode #2 of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Skinner interviews Dr. Stefanie Carnes the President of the International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals. In this session, these two professionals with almost 60 years of experience discuss the following:
• Whether couples should discuss the details of an affair or other sexual betrayal.
• How to discuss unwanted sexual behaviors with children (what to say and what not to say)
• Insights into Patrick Carnes from Stefanie’s perspective
• If recovery is possible for couples dealing with sexual betrayal Resources mentioned:
• https://sexhelp.com (Find a Counselor)
• The Essentials to Healing from Sexual Betrayal (Online course)
• Treating Sexual Addiction: A 100 Day Course for Recovery (Online course)"

Click HERE to go to EPISODE 2: DISCLOSURES AND COUPLES HEALING POST-DISCOVERY - SPECIAL GUEST DR. STEFANIE CARNES


RESOURCES FROM MICHELLE MAYS -



BOOKS TO CONSIDER DURING FORMAL DISCLOSURE:

1. 
Full Disclosure: Seeking Truth After Sexual Betrayal: Volume 1: How Disclosure Can Help You Heal - by Dan Drake, Janice Caudill - 

"THIS BOOK IS FOR PARTNERS WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED SEXUAL BETRAYAL. Have you discovered your partner's sexual secrets? Are you looking for a way to seek the extent of the betrayal you've experienced in a safe way? If you're looking for a guide to help you walk through the Full Disclosure process, we've designed this workbook series to help you. In this volume, you will learn what a Full Disclosure is and determine if it's right for you. Volume 2 will help you prepare for the Full Disclosure. Volume 3 will help you heal post-disclosure. Through examples, questions, and through the shared experiences of others, we've created a supportive way for you to navigate a complex, difficult process. Designed to be used with your partner's companion workbook, "Full Disclosure: How to Share the Truth After Sexual Betrayal," this resource can help you heal after sexual betrayal."

2. 
Full Disclosure: Seeking Truth After Sexual Betrayal - Volume Two for Partners: Preparing for Disclosure on Your Terms - by Dan Drake, Janice Caudill -

"Have you discovered sexual betrayal? Are you unable to heal your heart and relationship from betrayal trauma without knowing the full truth? Have you determined that you need a professionally-guided disclosure but are unsure how to prepare so your needs are addressed? If any of those questions apply, this workbook series is for you. Volume Two for Partners assists you in preparing for a disclosure on your own terms, by defining your needs and how to get them fulfilled, your boundaries and how to stand firm in them, and your personal healing by how you prepare yourself. This step-by-step guide not only helps you survive the painful experience of coming into full truth, but also supports you to grow stronger along the way. Used in companion with your spouse’s version, Full Disclosure: How to Share Truth After Sexual Betrayal, these parallel workbooks guide each of you through a therapeutic disclosure with a common understanding, common language, and a common goal of restoring the foundation of truth in your relationship."

3.
 Full Disclosure: Seeking Truth After Sexual Betrayal: Volume Three for Partners - Post Disclosure Healing - by Dan Drake, Janice Caudill -


"Completed a formal disclosure of sexual betrayal and don’t where to go from here? Feeling fractured and need direction on how to heal your heart or your relationship? If any of these questions apply, this workbook is for you. This workbook is the third in a series that takes you through the disclosure of sexual secrets, to the post-disclosure process, and the development of a Partner Impact Statement. These tools help you to move through grief to reclaim and use your voice – from pain to empowerment. Used in companion with your spouse’s version, Full Disclosure: How to Share Trust After Sexual Betrayal, these workbooks guide each of you through the post-disclosure process."


4. Full Disclosure: Preparing Partners for Full Disclosure by Janice Caudill and Dan Drake-

"Are you preparing for a full disclosure after sexual betrayal? Are you stuck trying to figure out how the disclosure process works, how to prepare for a disclosure, or what kinds of questions to ask? If you are looking for tools to better prepare for a full disclosure after sexual betrayal, this workbook breaks down the disclosure preparation process for you. As you follow this guide you will learn how to prepare mentally and emotionally for your disclosure, as well as how to best structure what you want and need out of the disclosure."

5. Surviving Disclosure: A Partner’s Guide for Healing the Betrayal of Intimate Trust by Jennifer P Schneider M.D., M. Deborah Corley Ph.D. -

"Surviving Disclosure, helps partners better understand the trauma resulting from the addict’s behaviors and offers a step-by-step guide for how to begin the healing process, prepare for the impact of living with an addict (even an addict in recovery), and deal with shame, anger and fear. The book describes what to tell the children and others, how to promote self-care and well-being no matter what the addict does, and how to set boundaries as part of rebuilding trust."

5. Courageous Love: A Couple's Guide to Conquering Betrayal by Dr. Stepanie Carnes -

'Leading marriage expert Dr. Stefanie Carnes explains her time-tested strategy to help couples conquer fear and restore their trust, intimacy and connection following a betrayal.
There is nothing that can rupture the loving connection between a couple like betrayal. Courageous Love provides a step-by-step guide for repairing your relationship, whether it is damaged by infidelity, pornography, or compulsive and addictive sexual behavior. Dr. Carnes teaches couples how to respond to one another with compassion and empathy and how to hold onto hope for their relationship."
The book Courageous Love: A Couple's Guide to Conquering Betrayal by Dr. Stepanie Carnes has three chapters that focus on the process of disclosure. (Chapter Two: Getting Honest and Chapter 3: Sharing, Listening, and Grieving), and Chapter 4: Emotional Restitution and Amends) 


Chapter Two: Getting Honest describes the difference between a dysfunctional disclosure, and a therapeutic disclosure, how to prepare for disclosure ( including a disclosure preparation worksheet with an example), instructions on how to prepare and create your disclosure document, a sample disclosure letter, a description of the betrayed partners role in disclosure, and self-care during and after the disclosure process. 

Chapter Three: Sharing, Listening, and Grieving includes Impact Letter Preparation Worksheets, and a sample Impact Letter. 

Chapter Four:  Emotional Restitution and Amends includes a description of what an emotional restitution is, and a sample Emotional Restitution Letter. 





6. Facing Hope: Coupled Recovery™ Phase I: Repair by Laney Knowlton (Book 1 of 5) -

"The Coupled Recovery™ books explain the process of recovery and walk individuals (and relationships if you are in one) through each step of the process of recovering from problematic sexual behaviors, infidelity, betrayal, betrayal trauma, and patterns of deception. They are written to be read by both betrayers/escapers (this model uses the term “escapers” instead of “addicts” because “escapers” applies to those who are struggling with any level of problematic behaviors) and betrayed partners. The approach used is the Coupled Recovery™ model, which connects tools and ideas from current leaders in the fields of problematic sexual behaviors, betrayal trauma, infidelity, sex therapy, and relational counseling.

Book 1 (this book) focuses on Early Recovery, helping you recover, find, see, and/or share the truth with yourself and those connected to you, or helps support you through the process of discovering and/or understanding the truth about someone you love. Book 2 helps you deepen your connection to yourself and others and increases your ability to feel and express empathy, using classic relational therapy tools with a betrayal-sensitive lens. Book 3 walks you through healing the deepest wounds connected to betrayal; those related to sexuality. Book 4 is for those who have been betrayed and then abandoned in the process, either through the unwanted end of the relationship or through emotional abandonment. Book 5 helps parents know how to break the relational chains of escape patterns within the family structure and walks them through how to talk to their children (no matter what age the children are) about recovery and betrayal."


7. Coupled Recovery™ Disclosure Booklet A: The Betrayer's Disclosure Process by Laney Knowlton -

"Coupled Recovery: Disclosure Booklet A, The Betrayer's Disclosure Process walks betrayers through the process of formal disclosure. A formal disclosure helps betrayers share information about their betrayals with their partners in order to help restore trust and provide individual and relational healing. The Coupled Recovery model divides the process into four letters, a What & How letter, a Why letter, an Impact letter, and an Amends letter. The betrayer writes the first two letters and the final letter. The partner writes the third letter. This booklet breaks each letter into steps, walking you through the process and maximizing the potential for healing and restored connection to yourself and your partner. Unlike the first edition of this booklet, this edition includes all exercises from the Coupled Recovery Exercises Booklet that may be needed for the betrayer to complete the disclosure process.
Please note - this booklet is recommended for betrayers. Booklet B covers the same process for betrayed partners."


9. Who's Going to Help me?! Supporting Your Child in a Family Disclosure By Casey M. Allison, APSATS CPC-C -  


"As a betrayed wife, mother of nine, and now an APSATS Certified Partner Coach, this is the book and information I needed many years ago when I discovered my husband's problematic sexual behavior (PSB). PSB impacts every member of our family, and this book is one tool you can use to build a strong foundation for authentic and open communication with your children after betrayal."



FINANCIAL DISCLOSURE
Financial infidelity refers to the act of being dishonest or deceptive about financial matters within a relationship, typically between romantic partners or spouses.
Financial infidelity can erode trust and create significant strain within a relationship, leading to arguments, resentment, and even separation or divorce if left unresolved. Open communication and honesty about financial matters are crucial for maintaining a healthy and trusting relationship.



Financial Disclosure - What is it?
Financial disclosure related to sex addiction typically refers to the process where individuals with sex addiction issues reveal or provide detailed information about their financial activities and expenditures related to their addictive behaviors. This type of disclosure is often a component of therapy or treatment programs for sex addiction and can serve several purposes:


  1. Transparency: Financial disclosure allows individuals with sex addiction to be transparent about their financial activities, including spending on pornography, sex workers, online subscriptions, adult entertainment, or other related expenses. This transparency can help build trust between the individual and their therapist, partner, or support group.
  2. Accountability: By disclosing their financial activities, individuals with sex addiction take responsibility for their behavior and its consequences. This accountability can be an essential step in the recovery process, helping individuals recognize the impact of their actions on themselves and others.
  3. Identifying Patterns: Financial disclosure helps individuals and their therapists identify patterns of behavior related to sex addiction, such as excessive spending, hidden expenses, or financial enabling of addictive behaviors. Understanding these patterns can inform treatment strategies and interventions aimed at addressing the root causes of the addiction.
  4. Rebuilding Finances: For individuals whose sex addiction has led to financial problems, such as debt, bankruptcy, or financial strain on relationships, financial disclosure can be a first step towards rebuilding their financial health. By understanding their financial situation, individuals can work towards developing healthier financial habits and repairing any damage caused by their addictive behaviors.

SEE BELOW FINANCIAL DISCLOSURE DIRECTIONS: 
Financial Disclosure Directions (Based on Personal Communication with Debra Kaplan, Rick Hupp, Tobias Lemmouh, and Robert Knowlton (2022) ) - 2022 Laney Knowlton


LEARN MORE
Click HERE to visit our BETRAYED PARTNER OR SPOUSES page
Click HERE to visit our POLYGRAPH INFORMATION page
Click HERE to visit our SELF-CARE page
Click HERE to visit our SUPPORT GROUP FOR BETRAYED PARTNERS page

Click HERE to visit our NEURODIVERSITY page




Contact

Susan Zola, LCSW, CCPS, CSAT

T: 631-332-2213
E: suezola@me.com
Licensed In: Arizona, Connecticut, Florida, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, South Carolina Out-of-State Independent Social Worker Telehealth Provider, Texas, and Virginia

Credentials

Bachelor of Arts, Psychology – SUNY Binghamton, 1980
Master of Social Work – Adelphi University School of Social Work, 1982.
Private Practice – "Mind Over Matters," 2006.
LCSW License #078530-1
APSATS The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists
CSAT
Certified Sex Addiction Therapist
IITAP
The International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals
CCPS
Certified Clinical Partner Specialist

Sex Addiction Formal Disclosure

Susan Zola, LCSW, CCPS, CSAT
631-332-2213
suezola@me.com
Licensed In: Arizona, Connecticut, Florida, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, South Carolina Out-of-State Independent Social Worker Telehealth Provider, Texas, and Virginia

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