Formal Disclosure for Betrayed Partners

If you have been faced with your partner's sexual betrayal, dishonesty, lack of transparency, minimizing, denial, blaming, shaming, gas-lighting, deflecting, and other common defenses sex addicts may attempt to use to avoid taking personal accountability and consequences, you may need a full formal disclosure prepared with the help of a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and an APSATS trained therapist and Polygraph Test to regain your equal standing in your relationship. When traumatizing pieces of information come out a little bit at a time, when you and your partner are alone, this staggered disclosure may damage you and your relationship further. Think carefully instead of impulsively to get the best results.

The following documents were created to help you in the full disclosure process:

Instructions For PDF's Follow This Link

RESOURCE FROM THE HELPING COUPLES HEAL PODCAST - EPISODE 32: THERAPEUTIC SEPARATION
"In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie and Duane address therapeutic separation in the context of betrayal and relational trauma, a topic often talked about but not often understood. They discuss everything from what it is and what it is not to why a therapeutic separation can feel threatening or scary and why (if used correctly and with professional support and guidance) it can be a practical intervention for couples trying to heal their relationships after betrayal."

Click HERE to Listen on Apple Podcasts
Click HERE to go to the Episode Website
Click HERE for More Episodes of Helping Couples Heal Podcast

WORKBOOK FOR THERAPEUTIC SEPARATION
Therapeutic Separation: A Workbook for Couples Facing Addiction by Lindsey Stanley, Lpc, and Stevie Hall, PH D Lpc
Taking a therapeutic separation in your relationship shouldn't feel like you are plunging into the unknown. With proper assistance and support, a therapeutic separation may provide safety, clarity, and healing. That said, choosing this delicate path requires care and guidance. This workbook will walk you through the process of a healthy and productive therapeutic separation from beginning to end. The instruction and exercises in this workbook will help you create a robust therapeutic separation and evaluate what you need moving forward.
In this workbook you will:
1. Evaluate if a separation is right for you.
2. Create a therapeutic separation plan based on your relationship, needs, and boundaries.
3. Learn how to disclose the separation to your children, family, and friends Understand how your history is connected to your present.
4. Complete individual and relationship goals based on your plan.
5. Assess what you need as you move forward after a therapeutic separation.

RESOURCE FROM THE HUMAN INTIMACY PODCAST - EPISODE 2: DISCLOSURES AND COUPLES HEALING POST-DISCOVERY - SPECIAL GUEST DR. STEFANIE CARNES
"In episode #2 of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Skinner interviews Dr. Stefanie Carnes the President of the International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals. In this session, these two professionals with almost 60 years of experience discuss the following:
• Whether couples should discuss the details of an affair or other sexual betrayal.
• How to discuss unwanted sexual behaviors with children (what to say and what not to say)
• Insights into Patrick Carnes from Stefanie’s perspective
• If recovery is possible for couples dealing with sexual betrayal Resources mentioned:
• https://sexhelp.com (Find a Counselor)
• The Essentials to Healing from Sexual Betrayal (Online course)
• Treating Sexual Addiction: A 100 Day Course for Recovery (Online course)"

Click HERE to go to EPISODE 2: DISCLOSURES AND COUPLES HEALING POST-DISCOVERY - SPECIAL GUEST DR. STEFANIE CARNES

RESOURCES FROM MICHELLE MAYS -

• ONLINE WORKSHOP - DISCLOSURE PREP FOR COUPLES COURSE - CLICK HERE
• ARTICLE FROM MICHELLE MAYS - What Disclosure Can (and Can’t) Do for Your Relationship After Betrayal - CLICK HERE 
• ARTICLE FROM MICHELLE MAYS - The Difference Between Disclosure and Discovery - CLICK HERE 
• ADDITIONAL ARTICLES FROM MICHELLE MAYS ON DISCLOSURE CAN BE FOUND ON HER WEBSITE - CLICK HERE 

"Are you preparing for a full disclosure after sexual betrayal? Are you stuck trying to figure out how the disclosure process works, how to prepare for a disclosure, or what kinds of questions to ask? If you are looking for tools to better prepare for a full disclosure after sexual betrayal, this workbook breaks down the disclosure preparation process for you. As you follow this guide you will learn how to prepare mentally and emotionally for your disclosure, as well as how to best structure what you want and need out of the disclosure."

'Leading marriage expert Dr. Stefanie Carnes explains her time-tested strategy to help couples conquer fear and restore their trust, intimacy and connection following a betrayal.
There is nothing that can rupture the loving connection between a couple like betrayal. Courageous Love provides a step-by-step guide for repairing your relationship, whether it is damaged by infidelity, pornography, or compulsive and addictive sexual behavior. Dr. Carnes teaches couples how to respond to one another with compassion and empathy and how to hold onto hope for their relationship."
The book Courageous Love: A Couple's Guide to Conquering Betrayal by Dr. Stepanie Carnes has three chapters that focus on the process of disclosure. (Chapter Two: Getting Honest and Chapter 3: Sharing, Listening, and Grieving), and Chapter 4: Emotional Restitution and Amends) 

Chapter Two: Getting Honest describes the difference between a dysfunctional disclosure, and a therapeutic disclosure, how to prepare for disclosure ( including a disclosure preparation worksheet with an example), instructions on how to prepare and create your disclosure document, a sample disclosure letter, a description of the betrayed partners role in disclosure, and self-care during and after the disclosure process. 

Chapter Three: Sharing, Listening, and Grieving includes Impact Letter Preparation Worksheets, and a sample Impact Letter. 

Chapter Four:  Emotional Restitution and Amends includes a description of what an emotional restitution is, and a sample Emotional Restitution Letter. 

"The Coupled Recovery™ books explain the process of recovery and walk individuals (and relationships if you are in one) through each step of the process of recovering from problematic sexual behaviors, infidelity, betrayal, betrayal trauma, and patterns of deception. They are written to be read by both betrayers/escapers (this model uses the term “escapers” instead of “addicts” because “escapers” applies to those who are struggling with any level of problematic behaviors) and betrayed partners. The approach used is the Coupled Recovery™ model, which connects tools and ideas from current leaders in the fields of problematic sexual behaviors, betrayal trauma, infidelity, sex therapy, and relational counseling.

Book 1 (this book) focuses on Early Recovery, helping you recover, find, see, and/or share the truth with yourself and those connected to you, or helps support you through the process of discovering and/or understanding the truth about someone you love. Book 2 helps you deepen your connection to yourself and others and increases your ability to feel and express empathy, using classic relational therapy tools with a betrayal-sensitive lens. Book 3 walks you through healing the deepest wounds connected to betrayal; those related to sexuality. Book 4 is for those who have been betrayed and then abandoned in the process, either through the unwanted end of the relationship or through emotional abandonment. Book 5 helps parents know how to break the relational chains of escape patterns within the family structure and walks them through how to talk to their children (no matter what age the children are) about recovery and betrayal."

"Coupled Recovery: Disclosure Booklet A, The Betrayer's Disclosure Process walks betrayers through the process of formal disclosure. A formal disclosure helps betrayers share information about their betrayals with their partners in order to help restore trust and provide individual and relational healing. The Coupled Recovery model divides the process into four letters, a What & How letter, a Why letter, an Impact letter, and an Amends letter. The betrayer writes the first two letters and the final letter. The partner writes the third letter. This booklet breaks each letter into steps, walking you through the process and maximizing the potential for healing and restored connection to yourself and your partner. Unlike the first edition of this booklet, this edition includes all exercises from the Coupled Recovery Exercises Booklet that may be needed for the betrayer to complete the disclosure process.
Please note - this booklet is recommended for betrayers. Booklet B covers the same process for betrayed partners."

9. Who's Going to Help me?! Supporting Your Child in a Family Disclosure By Casey M. Allison, APSATS CPC-C -  


"As a betrayed wife, mother of nine, and now an APSATS Certified Partner Coach, this is the book and information I needed many years ago when I discovered my husband's problematic sexual behavior (PSB). PSB impacts every member of our family, and this book is one tool you can use to build a strong foundation for authentic and open communication with your children after betrayal."

1. Transparency: Financial disclosure allows individuals with sex addiction to be transparent about their financial activities, including spending on pornography, sex workers, online subscriptions, adult entertainment, or other related expenses. This transparency can help build trust between the individual and their therapist, partner, or support group.
2. Accountability: By disclosing their financial activities, individuals with sex addiction take responsibility for their behavior and its consequences. This accountability can be an essential step in the recovery process, helping individuals recognize the impact of their actions on themselves and others.
3. Identifying Patterns: Financial disclosure helps individuals and their therapists identify patterns of behavior related to sex addiction, such as excessive spending, hidden expenses, or financial enabling of addictive behaviors. Understanding these patterns can inform treatment strategies and interventions aimed at addressing the root causes of the addiction.
4. Rebuilding Finances: For individuals whose sex addiction has led to financial problems, such as debt, bankruptcy, or financial strain on relationships, financial disclosure can be a first step towards rebuilding their financial health. By understanding their financial situation, individuals can work towards developing healthier financial habits and repairing any damage caused by their addictive behaviors.

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