Eroticized Rage

​Phone: 631.332.2213
Email: Suezola@me.com

Eroticized Rage

What is eroticized rage?

Eroticized rage refers to a psychological concept where feelings of anger, hostility, or aggression become intertwined with sexual arousal or desire. In simpler terms, it's when someone experiences sexual arousal or gratification through aggressive or violent behaviors. This can manifest in various ways, such as fantasies involving domination, submission, or scenarios where anger and sexuality merge.

Psychologically, eroticized rage is often seen as a complex and potentially harmful phenomenon. It can be associated with unresolved issues related to anger, trauma, or power dynamics. Individuals who experience eroticized rage may struggle with forming healthy relationships and may be at risk of engaging in behaviors that are harmful to themselves or others.

Therapy and counseling are typically recommended for individuals struggling with eroticized rage, as it often involves addressing underlying emotional and psychological issues to promote healthier coping mechanisms and relationships.

Symptoms of eroticized rage can vary depending on the individual and the specific dynamics of their relationships and experiences. Here are some potential symptoms to consider:

  1. Intense sexual arousal from aggressive or violent behaviors: Feeling sexually aroused by acts of aggression, violence, or domination, whether in real-life situations or fantasies.
  2. Difficulty distinguishing between anger and sexual arousal: Finding it challenging to separate feelings of anger, hostility, or aggression from sexual arousal or gratification.
  3. Engaging in risky or harmful sexual behaviors: Participating in sexual activities that involve coercion, manipulation, non-consensual acts, or other behaviors that may be harmful to oneself or others.
  4. Use of sex as a means of control or dominance: Using sex as a tool to exert power and control over partners, seeking to dominate or humiliate them sexually.
  5. Intimacy issues in relationships: Struggling to form genuine emotional connections or intimacy within relationships, with sexual interactions primarily driven by feelings of anger or aggression rather than mutual trust and understanding.
  6. Feelings of guilt, shame, or distress: Experiencing negative emotions such as guilt, shame, or distress related to sexual preferences or behaviors, particularly if they involve elements of aggression or violence.
  7. Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships: Experiencing challenges in maintaining healthy, fulfilling relationships due to the impact of eroticized rage on communication, trust, and emotional intimacy.
  8. History of trauma or abuse: Having a history of trauma or abuse that may contribute to the development of eroticized rage, with unresolved issues related to anger, power dynamics, or sexual experiences.                                                                                                                                                         
It's essential to recognize that experiencing symptoms of eroticized rage doesn't mean someone is inherently bad or irredeemable. However, it does indicate a need for support and intervention to address underlying emotional and psychological issues and promote healthier patterns of sexual behavior and relationships. Seeking help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in sexual issues or trauma can be an important step in addressing and managing eroticized rage.




Examples of eroticized rage can vary widely and may include:

  1. BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) practices: In some cases, individuals may derive sexual arousal from engaging in consensual acts of dominance, submission, or pain infliction. However, if these behaviors are driven by unresolved anger or aggression, they can be manifestations of eroticized rage.
  2. Sexual aggression: Some individuals may become sexually aroused by aggressive or violent behaviors, such as rough sex, coercion, or non-consensual sexual acts. This can be indicative of eroticized rage, especially if the arousal is linked to feelings of anger or hostility towards the partner.
  3. Sexualized violence in media: Consumption of pornography or other media depicting sexual violence or aggression can sometimes reinforce and normalize associations between sex and aggression, leading to the development of eroticized rage in some individuals.
  4. Intimate partner violence: In abusive relationships, the abuser may use sex as a means to exert power and control over their partner. This can involve coercive or violent sexual acts that are driven by anger, dominance, or a desire to humiliate the partner, all of which are characteristics of eroticized rage.
  5. Rape fantasies: While it's important to distinguish between consensual role-playing and actual desires, fantasies involving rape or non-consensual sex can sometimes stem from unresolved issues related to anger or trauma. In such cases, the arousal is linked to the aggressive or violent nature of the fantasy, rather than the consent of the participants.
It's crucial to emphasize that not all sexual practices involving elements of aggression or dominance are indicative of eroticized rage. Consensual BDSM activities, for example, are based on trust, communication, and mutual enjoyment, rather than unresolved anger or aggression. However, when sexual arousal is closely linked to feelings of anger, hostility, or violence, it may suggest the presence of eroticized rage, which can benefit from therapeutic intervention.





How can erotized rage show up in your relationship(s)?

Eroticized rage can manifest in various ways within relationships, potentially impacting both partners. Here are some ways it might show up:

  1. Aggressive or violent sexual behavior: One partner may exhibit aggressive or violent behavior during sexual encounters, such as rough handling, coercion, or non-consensual acts. This can be a manifestation of eroticized rage if the arousal is linked to feelings of anger or hostility.
  2. Control and domination: Eroticized rage may lead to one partner seeking to dominate or control the other sexually, using sex as a means of exerting power and superiority. This can involve dictating sexual activities, setting rigid rules, or using manipulation to get their way.
  3. Humiliation and degradation: Some individuals with eroticized rage may derive sexual pleasure from humiliating or degrading their partner during sexual encounters. This can involve verbal abuse, demeaning language, or engaging in acts that belittle the partner's dignity or self-esteem.
  4. Manipulative behavior: Eroticized rage can lead to manipulative behavior within the relationship, where one partner uses sex as a tool to manipulate or exploit the other's emotions or vulnerabilities. This may involve withholding sex as punishment, using sex to alleviate feelings of anger or frustration, or using sex to maintain control over the partner.
  5. Intimacy issues: Individuals with eroticized rage may struggle with forming genuine intimacy within their relationships, as their sexual desires may be primarily driven by anger or aggression rather than emotional connection or closeness. This can create barriers to communication, trust, and mutual understanding.
  6. Cycle of abuse: In abusive relationships, eroticized rage can perpetuate a cycle of abuse, where episodes of sexual aggression or violence are followed by apologies, reconciliation, and temporary periods of calm before the cycle repeats. This can create a toxic dynamic characterized by fear, manipulation, and emotional turmoil.

It's important to recognize that experiencing eroticized rage or being in a relationship with someone who exhibits it can be harmful and emotionally damaging. Seeking support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in sexual issues or relationship dynamics can be beneficial for both partners in addressing underlying issues and fostering healthier patterns of communication and intimacy.



If you're concerned that you may be impacted by eroticized rage, here are some signs to consider:

  1. Patterns of aggression or violence: Reflect on your sexual behavior and preferences. Do you find yourself becoming aroused by aggressive or violent sexual acts? Do you engage in behaviors that involve coercion, dominance, or non-consensual activities?
  2. Feelings of anger or hostility: Pay attention to your emotional state during sexual encounters. Do you notice feelings of anger, hostility, or aggression arising? Are these feelings intertwined with sexual arousal or gratification?
  3. Relationship dynamics: Consider how your sexual behavior and desires affect your relationships. Do you struggle with forming genuine intimacy and emotional connection with your partners? Do you find yourself using sex as a means to exert control or dominance over your partner?
  4. Fantasies and desires: Reflect on your sexual fantasies and desires. Do you often fantasize about scenarios involving aggression, violence, or humiliation? Are these fantasies primarily driven by feelings of anger or hostility?
  5. Impact on well-being: Consider how your sexual behavior and desires impact your overall well-being and relationships. Do you experience guilt, shame, or distress related to your sexual preferences or behaviors? Are your relationships characterized by conflict, manipulation, or emotional turmoil?
  6. Past experiences: Reflect on your past experiences and relationships. Have you experienced trauma or abuse that may be influencing your sexual behavior and desires? Are there unresolved issues related to anger, aggression, or power dynamics that may be contributing to eroticized rage?
If you recognize any of these signs and feel concerned about their impact on your life and relationships, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor. A trained professional can provide guidance, support, and strategies for addressing underlying issues and fostering healthier patterns of sexual behavior and intimacy.


Resources:


Articles: 
  1. Eroticized Rage: An Underlying Issue for Many Sex Addicts 
  2. Unraveling Eroticized Rage: A Deep Dive into the Arousal Template
  3. Eroticized Rage in Sexual Addition 
  4. The anatomy of arousal: three Internet portals by PATRICK J. CARNES - m1_article_anatomy-of-arousa.pdf
  5. COUNSELLING NOTES – EROTIC RAGE BY PATRICK J CARNES - Counselling Notes - Erotic Rage by Patrick J Carnes - niki's weblog.pdf
  6. Intimacy Vs. Eroticized Rage by Luke Ford Article - Intimacy Vs. Eroticized Rage - Luke Ford.pdf
  7. Clinical Scales - Erotized Rage - Dr. Patrick Carnes Article - Clinical Scales - Eroticized Rage - Dr. Patrick Carnes.pdf
  8. Gentlepath - Erotized Rage Assignments Document (Document Lists Assignments and instructions for completing them) - Gentlepath- Eroticized Rage Assignments Worksheet06142022114924.pdf
Books:
  1. Eroticized Rage by Dr. Patrick Carnes (Audio Book) - Each of us has an arousal template that governs our sexual attraction and relationships. Developmental problems, trauma and abuse, family messages, and life experiences can significantly damage that template. The key to understanding how that template works is eroticized feelings such as anger, fear, and shame. Dr. Patrick J. Carnes will explore these eroticized feelings in this audio production. LINK: https://gentlepath.com/product/eroticized_rage-audio/
  2. The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships by Dr. Patrick Carnes - In The Betrayal Bond, Dr. Carnes presents an in-depth study of these relationships; why they form, who is most susceptible, and how they become so powerful. Dr. Carnes also gives a clear explanation of the bond that compels people to tolerate the intolerable, and for the first time, maps out the brain connection that makes being with hurtful people comparable to 'a drug of choice.' Most importantly, Carnes provides practical steps to identify compulsive attachment patterns and ultimately to change or end them for good.
  3. Erotic Anger by Gérard Pommier - In this first English translation of the best-known work of one of the world's leading psychoanalysts, Gérard Pommier brings together a number of case studies of his male and female patients whose sexual activities are bound in aggressive behavior, and suggests ways in which their anger might be understood and focused to a positive end. Why violence (verbal or physical) is so often a precondition for sexual enjoyment is what Pommier explores in this deeply enlightening and powerfully disturbing book.

Podcasts:
  1. Conversations on Sex, Addiction, and Relationships - Conversations: What is Eroticized Rage? - In the episode, we discuss how addicts can handle their emotions during their recovery stage and what does mindfulness look like from an emotional, physical and mental standpoint. 
  2. Conversations on Sex, Addiction, and Relationships - Quick Conversations: When Does Eroticized Rage Occur? - In the episode, we discuss what our listeners are interested in hearing from our podcast and questions sent in via our mailbag. 
  3. Sexual Addiction: Strength/Hope/Recovery - Replay of the Eroticized Rage Show with Carol the Coach - If you have anger from the past and you fear that it is effecting your relationship, you may suffer from eroticized rage. Listen as Carol the Coach helps you to work through the rage that is keeping you safe but is an unhealthy reenactment of the trauma that you suffered in your past.
  1. SexandRelationshipHealing.com - Eroticized Rage with Dr. David Fawcett - In this weekly (Wednesdays 5 p.m. Pacific) Addiction and Recovery webinar with Q&A, Dr. David Fawcet discusses and answers participant questions on eroticized rage. This session was live via SexandRelationshipHealing.com on March 8, 2023.
  1. The 12th Step Podcast - Eroticized Rage - Listen to the 12th Step Podcast and learn about how anger and rage feed into sex addiction and what you can do to work through it. Gain insights and practical solutions to overcome your addiction today.
  1. A Brave New Man Podcast - Dr. Kate Balestriri - Eroticized Rage - How do we know if we are expressing our anger in ways so covert that we don't even know we're doing it? In this episode we discuss how anger can be sexualized in ways that hide the root of the anger, which leaves people helpless to understand it or heal it. Our interview with Dr. Kate Balestrieri teaches us: 1) What eroticized rage is, 2) How to identify it in ourselves and others, and 3) How to find more helpful ways to express and heal our anger. Dr. Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D., CSAT-S, is a Licensed (Clinical and Forensic) Psychologist in CA and IL, and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist - Supervisor. In over 12 years of clinical experience, she has conducted clinical and forensic evaluations, served as an expert witness, and provided treatment in clinical, forensic, and correctional settings. Dr. Balestrieri maintains her role as the Executive Director and Co-founder of Triune Therapy Group in Brentwood, CA. She also teaches a course dedicated to the treatment of Sexual Abuse and Human Trafficking at Antioch University in the Trauma Specialization Program, and is the Co-host of Behind Closed Doors with Dr. Kate & Lauren, a weekly podcast.




LEARN MORE
Click HERE to visit our WHAT IS SEX ADDICTION page
Click HERE to visit our FORMAL DISCLOSURE FOR SEX ADDICTS page
Click HERE to visit our POLYGRAPH INFORMATION page
Click HERE to visit our HELP HER HEAL page
Click HERE to visit our ENMESHMENT page
Click HERE to visit our NEURODIVERSITY page

Contact

Susan Zola, LCSW, CCPS, CSAT

T: 631-332-2213
E: suezola@me.com
Licensed In: Arizona, Connecticut, Florida, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, South Carolina Out-of-State Independent Social Worker Telehealth Provider, Texas, and Virginia

Credentials

Bachelor of Arts, Psychology – SUNY Binghamton, 1980
Master of Social Work – Adelphi University School of Social Work, 1982.
Private Practice – "Mind Over Matters," 2006.
LCSW License #078530-1
APSATS The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists
CSAT
Certified Sex Addiction Therapist
IITAP
The International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals
CCPS
Certified Clinical Partner Specialist

Eroticized Rage

Susan Zola, LCSW, CCPS, CSAT
631-332-2213
suezola@me.com
Licensed In: Arizona, Connecticut, Florida, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, South Carolina Out-of-State Independent Social Worker Telehealth Provider, Texas, and Virginia

© 2024 | Susan Zola | Terms | Privacy