​Phone: 631.332.2213
Email: Suezola@me.com
Licensed in New York and Florida

Formal Disclosure For Sex Addicts

If you have been faced with your partner's discovery of your sexual betrayal, taking personal accountability and managing the possible consequences, will help you both heal. It will show your partner that you are willing to do the challenging work to restore trust and sanity. It is a way to begin to repair and rebuild your relationship and may lead to a stronger, more intimate coupleship than you had before.

Your partner may need a full formal disclosure from you- prepared with the help of a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and an Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialist (APSATS) trained therapist and a Polygraph Test- to regain equal standing and mutual respect. If you and your partner want to heal your wounds, complete honesty and vulnerability in a safe non-judgemental environment is an important part of the process. 

Contrary to what you might have heard and believe, when traumatizing pieces of information come out a little bit at a time, as your partner starts investigating and searching for the truth, or when you and your partner are alone and she insists you tell her more, it may damage your relationship beyond repair. Finding out on her own will surely lead to the erosion of whatever trust is left between you.

Think carefully, instead of impulsively, to get the best results.





The following documents were created to help you in the full disclosure process:

IF YOU ARE A CURRENT CLIENT OF MINE, PLEASE ASK ME FOR THE DOCUMENT PASSWORD!

If you are in need of the Formal Disclosure Materials Packet, please note that these copyrighted materials are available for purchase directly from the creator, Mari A. Lee, LMFT. To acquire the packet, kindly visit Mari A. Lee's official website at: https://www.thecounselorscoach.com/formal-disclosure-documents-csat-therapists. 


Glossary Of Terms

SA Client Release of Information Form

SA Consent for Full Disclosure

SA Guidelines for Writing a Full Disclosure

Full Disclosure Worksheet for SA

SA Post-Full Disclosure Letter of Emotional Restitution Guidelines & Amends Letter

Couples Weekly Check-In

Amends Letter Directions

Therapeutic Separation Guidelines and Form - If Needed

RESOURCE FROM THE HELPING COUPLES HEAL PODCAST - EPISODE 32: THERAPEUTIC SEPARATION
"In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie and Duane address therapeutic separation in the context of betrayal and relational trauma, a topic often talked about but not often understood. They discuss everything from what it is and what it is not to why a therapeutic separation can feel threatening or scary and why (if used correctly and with professional support and guidance) it can be a practical intervention for couples trying to heal their relationships after betrayal."

Click HERE to Listen on Apple Podcasts
Click HERE to go to the Episode Website
Click HERE for More Episodes of Helping Couples Heal Podcast


RESOURCE FROM THE HUMAN INTIMACY PODCAST - EPISODE 2: DISCLOSURES AND COUPLES HEALING POST-DISCOVERY - SPECIAL GUEST DR. STEFANIE CARNES 
"In episode #2 of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Skinner interviews Dr. Stefanie Carnes the President of the International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals. In this session, these two professionals with almost 60 years of experience discuss the following:   
•    Whether couples should discuss the details of an affair or other sexual betrayal.    
•    How to discuss unwanted sexual behaviors with children (what to say and what not to say)   
•    Insights into Patrick Carnes from Stefanie’s perspective   
•    If recovery is possible for couples dealing with sexual betrayal Resources mentioned:    
•    https://sexhelp.com (Find a Counselor)    
•    The Essentials to Healing from Sexual Betrayal (Online course)    
•    Treating Sexual Addiction: A 100 Day Course for Recovery (Online course)"

Click HERE to go to EPISODE 2: DISCLOSURES AND COUPLES HEALING POST-DISCOVERY - SPECIAL GUEST DR. STEFANIE CARNES 


RESOURCES FROM MICHELLE MAYS -




BOOKS TO CONSIDER DURING DISCLOSURE: 

1. 
Full Disclosure: How to Share the Truth After Sexual Betrayal - by Dan Drake, Janice Caudill, Stefanie Carnes -

"Have your secret sexual behaviors recently been discovered? Are you stuck in knowing what to share, how much to share, and how to not traumatize your partner with too many gory details about your past? Has your therapist asked you to do a "Formal Disclosure" but you have no idea how to do that? Do you want to begin a life of honesty, integrity, and transparency? IF ANY OF THOSE QUESTIONS APPLY, THIS WORKBOOK IS FOR YOU. This guide walks you through a comprehensive approach to providing a full disclosure of your sexual past to your partner. We help you break down the entire process, offering you a step-by-step approach to sharing your past and restoring a foundation of truth in your relationship. Through examples, questions, and through the shared experiences of others, we've created a way for you to navigate a complex, difficult process. Designed to be used with your partner's companion workbook, "Full Disclosure: Seeking Truth After Sexual Betrayal," this resource can help you build a new life and relationship that's based on honesty and integrity.Note: This workbook includes a comprehensive guide to preparing for your Full Disclosure, broken up into three volumes. This includes a guide to help you understand what a disclosure is and if it's right for you, preparing a disclosure document and preparing for the disclosure session, as well as preparation post-disclosure."

2. Your Disclosure Document: A 10-Step Guide for Preparing Your Disclosure Document - by Dan Drake, Janice Caudill -

"Are you preparing for a full disclosure after sexual betrayal? Are you stuck in knowing what to share, how much to share, and how to not traumatize your partner with too many gory details in this full disclosure? If you are looking for tools to better prepare for a full disclosure after sexual betrayal, this workbook breaks down the disclosure-writing process into a comprehensive partner-sensitive 10-step approach. As you follow this guide you will learn to prepare a disclosure document to prepare to your partner after sexual betrayal. This workbook demystifies the disclosure-writing process to better help you prepare for a full disclosure."

3. 
Full Disclosure: Preparing Partners for Full Disclosure by Dan Drake, Janice Caudill -

"Are you preparing for a full disclosure after sexual betrayal? Are you stuck trying to figure out how the disclosure process works, how to prepare for a disclosure, or what kinds of questions to ask? If you are looking for tools to better prepare for a full disclosure after sexual betrayal, this workbook breaks down the disclosure preparation process for you. As you follow this guide you will learn how to prepare mentally and emotionally for your disclosure, as well as how to best structure what you want and need out of the disclosure."

4. Disclosing Secrets: An Addict's Guide for When, to Whom, and How Much to Reveal - by M Deborah Corley Ph.D. , Jennifer P Schneider M.D. -

"Based on the latest research of the impact of disclosure, this updated and rewritten edition of Disclosing Secrets presents the best approach for addressing one of the most difficult challenges any sex addict must face – sharing information about his or her sex addiction."



5. Courageous Love: A Couple's Guide to Conquering Betrayal by Dr. Stepanie Carnes -

"Leading marriage expert Dr. Stefanie Carnes explains her time-tested strategy to help couples conquer fear and restore their trust, intimacy and connection following a betrayal.
There is nothing that can rupture the loving connection between a couple like betrayal. Courageous Love provides a step-by-step guide for repairing your relationship, whether it is damaged by infidelity, pornography, or compulsive and addictive sexual behavior. Dr. Carnes teaches couples how to respond to one another with compassion and empathy and how to hold onto hope for their relationship."

The book Courageous Love: A Couple's Guide to Conquering Betrayal by Dr. Stepanie Carnes has three chapters that focus on the process of disclosure. (Chapter Two: Getting Honest and Chapter 3: Sharing, Listening, and Grieving), and Chapter 4: Emotional Restitution and Amends)

Chapter Two: Getting Honest describes the difference between a dysfunctional disclosure, and a therapeutic disclosure, how to prepare for disclosure ( including a disclosure preparation worksheet with an example), instructions on how to prepare and create your disclosure document, a sample disclosure letter, a description of the betrayed partners role in disclosure, and self-care during and after the disclosure process.

Chapter Three: Sharing, Listening, and Grieving includes Impact Letter Preparation Worksheets, and a sample Impact Letter.

Chapter Four:  Emotional Restitution and Amends includes a description of what an emotional restitution is, and a sample Emotional Restitution Letter. 





6. Facing Hope: Coupled Recovery™ Phase I: Repair by Laney Knowlton (Book 1 of 5) -

"The Coupled Recovery™ books explain the process of recovery and walk individuals (and relationships if you are in one) through each step of the process of recovering from problematic sexual behaviors, infidelity, betrayal, betrayal trauma, and patterns of deception. They are written to be read by both betrayers/escapers (this model uses the term “escapers” instead of “addicts” because “escapers” applies to those who are struggling with any level of problematic behaviors) and betrayed partners. The approach used is the Coupled Recovery™ model, which connects tools and ideas from current leaders in the fields of problematic sexual behaviors, betrayal trauma, infidelity, sex therapy, and relational counseling."

"Book 1 (this book) focuses on Early Recovery, helping you recover, find, see, and/or share the truth with yourself and those connected to you, or helps support you through the process of discovering and/or understanding the truth about someone you love. Book 2 helps you deepen your connection to yourself and others and increases your ability to feel and express empathy, using classic relational therapy tools with a betrayal-sensitive lens. Book 3 walks you through healing the deepest wounds connected to betrayal; those related to sexuality. Book 4 is for those who have been betrayed and then abandoned in the process, either through the unwanted end of the relationship or through emotional abandonment. Book 5 helps parents know how to break the relational chains of escape patterns within the family structure and walks them through how to talk to their children (no matter what age the children are) about recovery and betrayal."

7. Coupled Recovery™ Disclosure Booklet A: The Betrayer's Disclosure Process by Laney Knowlton -

"Coupled Recovery: Disclosure Booklet A, The Betrayer's Disclosure Process walks betrayers through the process of formal disclosure. A formal disclosure helps betrayers share information about their betrayals with their partners in order to help restore trust and provide individual and relational healing. The Coupled Recovery model divides the process into four letters, a What & How letter, a Why letter, an Impact letter, and an Amends letter. The betrayer writes the first two letters and the final letter. The partner writes the third letter. This booklet breaks each letter into steps, walking you through the process and maximizing the potential for healing and restored connection to yourself and your partner. Unlike the first edition of this booklet, this edition includes all exercises from the Coupled Recovery Exercises Booklet that may be needed for the betrayer to complete the disclosure process.
Please note - this booklet is recommended for betrayers. Booklet B covers the same process for betrayed partners."


8. Coupled Recovery: Disclosure Booklet B: The Partner's Disclosure Process - By Laney Knowlton -

"Coupled Recovery: Disclosure Booklet B, The Partner's Disclosure Process walks partners through the process of formal disclosure. A formal disclosure helps betrayers share information about their betrayals with their partners in order to help restore trust and provide individual and relational healing. The Coupled Recovery model divides the process into four letters: a What & How letter, a Why letter, an Impact letter, and an Amends letter. The betrayer writes the first two letters and the final letter. The partner writes the third letter. This booklet walks partners through the process of receiving the three letters from the betrayer and writing and presenting the Impact letter. It helps partners maximize the potential for healing and restoring connection to themselves and helps to create a foundation of emotional safety and truth within their relationship."

9. Who's Going to Help me?! Supporting Your Child in a Family Disclosure By Casey M. Allison, APSATS CPC-C -  

"As a betrayed wife, mother of nine, and now an APSATS Certified Partner Coach, this is the book and information I needed many years ago when I discovered my husband's problematic sexual behavior (PSB). PSB impacts every member of our family, and this book is one tool you can use to build a strong foundation for authentic and open communication with your children after betrayal."


FINANCIAL DISCLOSURE
Financial infidelity refers to the act of being dishonest or deceptive about financial matters within a relationship, typically between romantic partners or spouses.

Financial infidelity can erode trust and create significant strain within a relationship, leading to arguments, resentment, and even separation or divorce if left unresolved. Open communication and honesty about financial matters are crucial for maintaining a healthy and trusting relationship.

Financial Disclosure - What is it?
Financial disclosure related to sex addiction typically refers to the process where individuals with sex addiction issues reveal or provide detailed information about their financial activities and expenditures related to their addictive behaviors. This type of disclosure is often a component of therapy or treatment programs for sex addiction and can serve several purposes:

  1. Transparency: Financial disclosure allows individuals with sex addiction to be transparent about their financial activities, including spending on pornography, sex workers, online subscriptions, adult entertainment, or other related expenses. This transparency can help build trust between the individual and their therapist, partner, or support group.
  2. Accountability: By disclosing their financial activities, individuals with sex addiction take responsibility for their behavior and its consequences. This accountability can be an essential step in the recovery process, helping individuals recognize the impact of their actions on themselves and others.
  3. Identifying Patterns: Financial disclosure helps individuals and their therapists identify patterns of behavior related to sex addiction, such as excessive spending, hidden expenses, or financial enabling of addictive behaviors. Understanding these patterns can inform treatment strategies and interventions aimed at addressing the root causes of the addiction.
  4. Rebuilding Finances: For individuals whose sex addiction has led to financial problems, such as debt, bankruptcy, or financial strain on relationships, financial disclosure can be a first step towards rebuilding their financial health. By understanding their financial situation, individuals can work towards developing healthier financial habits and repairing any damage caused by their addictive behaviors.
Overall, financial disclosure in the context of sex addiction treatment is aimed at promoting honesty, accountability, and awareness of the financial aspects of the addiction, ultimately supporting individuals in their journey towards recovery and healthier relationships with money and sexuality.

SEE BELOW FINANCIAL DISCLOSURE DIRECTIONS: 
Financial Disclosure Directions (Based on Personal Communication with Debra Kaplan, Rick Hupp, Tobias Lemmouh, and Robert Knowlton (2022) ) - 2022 Laney Knowlton 

LEARN MORE
Click HERE to visit our WHAT IS SEX ADDICTION page
Click HERE to visit our HELP HER HEAL page
Click HERE to visit our INTENSIVE TREATMENT CENTERS page
Click HERE to visit our POLYGRAPH INFORMATION page
Click HERE to visit our ENMESHMENT page
Click HERE to visit our NEURODIVERSITY page

Contact

Susan Zola, LCSW, CCPS, CSAT

T: 631-332-2213
E: suezola@me.com
Licensed in the State of New York, the State of Florida, the State of Connecticut, the State of Maine, the State of Texas, and the State of Massachusetts.
License Pending IN: New Jersey, New Hampshire, and Arizona.

Credentials

Bachelor of Arts, Psychology – SUNY Binghamton, 1980
Master of Social Work – Adelphi University School of Social Work, 1982.
Private Practice – "Mind Over Matters," 2006.
LCSW License #078530-1
APSATS The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists
CSAT
Certified Sex Addiction Therapist
IITAP
The International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals
CCPS
Certified Clinical Partner Specialist

Susan Zola Clinical Partner Certification
Sex Addiction Formal Disclosure

Susan Zola, LCSW, CCPS, CSAT
631-332-2213
suezola@me.com
Licensed in New York, Florida, Connecticut, Maine, Texas, and Massachusetts

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