Licensed in New York and Florida
If you have been faced with your partners discovery of your sexual betrayal, taking personal accountability and managing the possible consequences, will help you both heal. It will show your partner that you are willing to do the challenging work to restore trust and sanity. It is a way to begin to repair and rebuild your relationship and may lead to a stronger, more intimate coupleship than you had before.
Your partner may need a full formal disclosure from you- prepared with the help of a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and an Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialist (APSATS) trained therapist and a Polygraph Test- to regain equal standing and mutual respect. If you and your partner want to heal your wounds, complete honesty and vulnerability in a safe non-judgemental environment is an important part of the process.
Contrary to what you might have heard and believe, when traumatizing pieces of information come out a little bit at a time, as your partner starts investigating and searching for the truth, or when you and your partner are alone and she insists you tell her more, it may damage your relationship beyond repair. Finding out on her own will surely lead to the erosion of whatever trust is left between you.Think carefully, instead of impulsively, to get the best results.
The following documents were created to help you in the full disclosure process:
RESOURCE FROM THE HELPING COUPLES HEAL PODCAST - EPISODE 32: THERAPEUTIC SEPARATION
"In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie and Duane address therapeutic separation in the context of betrayal and relational trauma, a topic often talked about but not often understood. They discuss everything from what it is and what it is not to why a therapeutic separation can feel threatening or scary and why (if used correctly and with professional support and guidance) it can be a practical intervention for couples trying to heal their relationships after betrayal."
Click HERE to Listen on Apple Podcasts
Click HERE to go to the Episode Website
Click HERE for More Episodes of Helping Couples Heal Podcast
BOOKS TO CONSIDER DURING DISCLOSURE:
1. Full Disclosure: How to Share the Truth After Sexual Betrayal - by Dan Drake, Janice Caudill, Stefanie Carnes -
Have your secret sexual behaviors recently been discovered? Are you stuck in knowing what to share, how much to share, and how to not traumatize your partner with too many gory details about your past? Has your therapist asked you to do a "Formal Disclosure" but you have no idea how to do that? Do you want to begin a life of honesty, integrity, and transparency? IF ANY OF THOSE QUESTIONS APPLY, THIS WORKBOOK IS FOR YOU. This guide walks you through a comprehensive approach to providing a full disclosure of your sexual past to your partner. We help you break down the entire process, offering you a step-by-step approach to sharing your past and restoring a foundation of truth in your relationship. Through examples, questions, and through the shared experiences of others, we've created a way for you to navigate a complex, difficult process. Designed to be used with your partner's companion workbook, "Full Disclosure: Seeking Truth After Sexual Betrayal," this resource can help you build a new life and relationship that's based on honesty and integrity.Note: This workbook includes a comprehensive guide to preparing for your Full Disclosure, broken up into three volumes. This includes a guide to help you understand what a disclosure is and if it's right for you, preparing a disclosure document and preparing for the disclosure session, as well as preparation post-disclosure.
2. Your Disclosure Document: A 10-Step Guide for Preparing Your Disclosure Document - by Dan Drake, Janice Caudill -
Are you preparing for a full disclosure after sexual betrayal? Are you stuck in knowing what to share, how much to share, and how to not traumatize your partner with too many gory details in this full disclosure? If you are looking for tools to better prepare for a full disclosure after sexual betrayal, this workbook breaks down the disclosure-writing process into a comprehensive partner-sensitive 10-step approach. As you follow this guide you will learn to prepare a disclosure document to prepare to your partner after sexual betrayal. This workbook demystifies the disclosure-writing process to better help you prepare for a full disclosure.
3. Full Disclosure: Preparing Partners for Full Disclosure by Dan Drake, Janice Caudill -
Are you preparing for a full disclosure after sexual betrayal? Are you stuck trying to figure out how the disclosure process works, how to prepare for a disclosure, or what kinds of questions to ask? If you are looking for tools to better prepare for a full disclosure after sexual betrayal, this workbook breaks down the disclosure preparation process for you. As you follow this guide you will learn how to prepare mentally and emotionally for your disclosure, as well as how to best structure what you want and need out of the disclosure.
4. Disclosing Secrets: An Addict's Guide for When, to Whom, and How Much to Reveal - by M Deborah Corley Ph.D. , Jennifer P Schneider M.D. -
Based on the latest research of the impact of disclosure, this updated and rewritten edition of Disclosing Secrets presents the best approach for addressing one of the most difficult challenges any sex addict must face – sharing information about his or her sex addiction.
Click HERE to visit our WHAT IS SEX ADDICTION page
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Click HERE to visit our ENMESHMENT page
Susan Zola, LCSW, CCPS, CSAT
Licensed in the State of New York, the State of Florida, the State of Connecticut, the State of Maine, the State of Texas, and the State of Massachusetts.
License Pending IN: New Jersey, New Hampshire, and Arizona.
Bachelor of Arts, Psychology – SUNY Binghamton, 1980
Master of Social Work – Adelphi University School of Social Work, 1982.
Private Practice – "Mind Over Matters," 2006.
LCSW License #078530-1
APSATS The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists
CSAT Certified Sex Addiction Therapist
IITAP The International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals
CCPS Certified Clinical Partner Specialist